16 November 2012, Singapore – In the working environment, you can’t choose your co-workers, but you can choose how you handle the colleagues you don’t really like. You are hard at work and then like a crash of thunder on a sunny day, they bust into your cubical or office. If you are expecting tips on how to deal with them the politically correct way, stop reading now.
If you are game enough, read on. “The best defense is a good offense” is an adage that has been applied to many fields of endeavour. So, why not have some fun with your co-workers! If they annoy you day in and day out, here are 5 ways for you to slowly drive them crazy(at your own risk).
1) High priority emails
Pretend you are looking for the stapler and you need to staple the files you’ve just received. Sent everyone an email flagged with “High Priority” and use a headline like, “URGENT: ASSISTANCE NEEDED!” I can guarantee a F* you when they finally realise you are just messing with them.
2) Desktop entertainment
This one takes a little patience and works wonders. Whenever that annoying colleague of yours leaves the table for lunch/smoke/shit break, open up a few browsers and visit websites that feature words like meatspin, blue waffles, girls and cup and many more. Wait for them to come back and fumble to close all their browsers. Look innocent and casually mention about IT department calling earlier to a colleague near you.
3) Ring Ring!
This is my personal favourite. When a colleague’s phone ring incessantly but everyone simply refuses to pick up the call? Well, this will ensure their attention the next time your phone rings. Switch your ringer to the loudest, excuse yourself to the toilet, and call your direct line again and again. When someone answers, wait 15 seconds and ring again. Repeat 20x. You’ve created a half derange office when you finally head back to your seat.
Always be on the look out when you are having lunch or during meetings. Keep your phone ready to snap their ugly poses or when they yawn or scratch their butt. Works best if you have lunch with them and take pictures of them shoving food down their throat. Sexy. Collate the pictures and send to all staff once a week with the headline, “SEXY!” I bet they’ll avoid you like plague every time they see you. Finally, peace and quiet.
5) Pizza Mania
Every office will have a “Miser’ who refuses to pay for his/her share of food, participate in Christmas giveaways or chip in for any birthday presents you have in the office. 1 hour before lunch, pick up the phone and call 3 local pizza company. Order their most expensive pizza, give them the name of your “favorite” co-worker. This scenario is really fun to watch, especially when “they” end up paying for the pizza.
I hope everyone have fun pranking/annoying/irritating your colleague today, and please do not hold us responsible if you lose your job. TGIF everyone.